When Swinging Goes Wrong

If you've never tried swinging before, it's natural to worry over how you'll react in the moment seeing your partner with someone else. Hell, even if you have tried it before, you just never know what can happen in any given situation. Let me give a very personal example of when things went wrong and what my ex and I did about it at the time to 'fix' it...

We were at a small swingers party in a hotel room with around 10 couples max there. We had been to one swingers party before which went amazingly well (read about our first group sex experience here) and had high hopes for this one. Anyway, a bit into the night after some chit chat we poked our heads into one of the two bedrooms to see what play was going on. A Brazillian couple and another couple were playing next to each other on the bed but not interacting at all. When the other couple got up to leave the room, my partner and I took the opportunity to fill the space left on the bed as we were pretty keen on the Brazillian couple.

We stripped down and started having a little fun, then the Brazillian woman and I indulged in some light touching and kissing. The Brazillian man asked my partner if it was okay if he ‘tried’ me. I put that cringeworthy phrasing down to a language barrier and after barely a nod from my partner (after checking I was keen) he dove right in. I felt pretty smothered after around the fifth time of him telling me how beautiful I was so made an excuse to get up and grab a drink and my partner naturally followed.

Walking out naked, we stood in the doorway of the other room and watched the action for a minute – two couples were on the bed, swapping fully but not engaging with each other at all. My partner said he had to pee and wandered off. At that same time, one of the females got off the bed and left, and within a few short seconds of her leaving, the guy left out grabbed my hand and pulled me into the room despite my unwillingness.

He literally jumped on top of me before I had enough time to work up the courage to say no thank you and started pumping away, his sweaty little pig face contorted above me. It all felt like all of maybe a minute had passed before I looked to the doorway and saw my partner standing there. I gave what I hoped was a ‘help me’ face and he walked into the room and helped me extricate myself from the situation.

Not long after that, we left.

It wasn’t until we were walking out that my partner relayed how upset it had made him that I went into the room without him. I did my best to explain the situation to him from my perspective and try to and see how it must have looked from his perspective as well. I already felt gross about it, but now I also felt guilty that I had hurt my partner’s feelings and felt dirty thanks to two less than thrilling encounters in one night.

So how could this have been avoided? While there’s really no way of avoiding an awkward sexual encounter once you’re already in it aka Brazilian man, I should have said NO to sweaty pig face. You really need to be able to be firm about what you are and aren’t comfortable doing in any sexual situation. I must admit that this wasn’t the last time that I let myself get ‘lead’ into a situation I wasn’t comfortable with (stay tuned for that story later on), but you live and you learn. And I learnt pretty quickly after those two encounters that I never wanted to feel that way again, nor make my partner feel the way he felt again.

Communication is super important, so we made sure we both spoke about how it made us feel and how we would do things differently from now on to make sure that we didn't find ourselves in a similar situation - he promised never to leave me alone in a potentially compromising situation again and I promised to be firm and not let myself be lead into a situation that I wasn't okay with. And we both stuck to those promises and never had a similar experience in the scene together again.

#Swinging #Swingers #SwingersParty